Part 1: Cover: TOP RIGHT; This comic is owned by ___________ And if you steal it youÕre going straight to hamster hell! TOP LEFT: In the beginning there was a sad, sad little kid with no friendsÉ But then he wrote a comic and got lots of non-loyal friends. Sadly this child was run over But his insane rival, Pom was not. POM SPEECH BUBBLE; This is a limited edition front cover and you own it, lucky you! BOTTOM LEFT (Pirate copy); Warning! This is a pirate copy. Which means that Pom was wearing a pirate hat and waving a skull and crossbones when he drew it. Any mistakes are therefore his fault and he will be held liable. POM AND THE MILLIONS SONG; ÒHe just canÕt handle it So instead heÕll scandal it!Ó SIDE NOTE; If you thought THAT was cheap, read the comic! Part 2: POM: Only one leftÉ POM: ItÕs time to join the Purply Blue side! (And have a thin head) [Note: this panel originally drawn in blue pen] POM: Where are the Millions? POM: Oh yeah, he can help me [T-shirt reads: ÒToo-tall-for-own-good-scumÓ. Below that is illegible.] POM: hey, Claude! CLAUDE: God Damn midgetÉ [T-shirt Reads; ÒShifty, scary artisty typeÓ] CLAUDE: Listen midget, When you need to get millions from a super scandal, you consult your local dealerÉÓ POM: ÒOhhhh, whoÕs that?Ó CLAUDE: ÒThe one spoken of oldÉ In precisely 2 panels.Ó POM: ÒWhoÕs that and why has my head grown at a horrifying weight.Ó CLAUDE: ÒItÕs called a Zoom-in, KidÓ CLAUDE: ÒHe is one of a fearful sortÉ The one known as CRY-AN!Ó CAPTION: To be continued when Pom can be bothered. Part 3: BIIIIIG CAPTION: Pom and Claude are attempting to hook up a super Scandal to appease PomÕs hunger for millions and get Pom away from Claude so Claude can draw more really great PicturesÉ POM: PanelÉ Too smallÉ CLAUDE: Shut up. CLAUDE: oh my GOD! RobbieÕs here! Now weÕll have to see CRY-AN next strip! POM: And get a haircut! CLAUDE: Shut up. CLAUDE: Run! Before the eternal battle between good and Claude begins. ROBBIE: I donÕt really endorse smoking, Kids; I just look cool this way. (Meet me in cigg bar to find them cheap) CLAUDE: Stop stealing my panel Phat-ass. ROBBIE: ItÕs Phat-BOY! Stupid arseholeÉ CLAUDE: Hah! You got your head hidden behind the title! I rule this panel! ROBBIE: HaHa! I rule this panel though! CAPTION: MeanwhileÉ (Pom dashing) (Pom smacks into Wise Old Sage) POM: Come One and Two, to be part in the ULTIMATE millions scandal! [T-shirts read; ÒWise old sageÓ and ÒNot so wise old sageÓ] CAPTION: MeanwhileÉ CLAUDE: YOUÉ SHALLÉ NOTÉ PASS! (The ground collapses beneath Claude and Robbie, they plummet) CLAUDE: What The?! Goddamn builders! ROBBIE: Hey, My ciggy! CLAUDE (off panel): Fly, fools! (Pom sprouts wings) POM: Okay! WISE AND NOT SO WISE OLD SAGES: DonÕt fly so high, Pom! [Note: Here, Pom is alluding to the legend of Icarus, Look it up.] Part 4: POM: AhhhÉ POM: A Pigeon! POM: Here sweet little Pidgey Poo! WISE OLD SAGE: I had no idea he could sink so lowÉ NOT SO W.O.S.: YeahÉ WISE OLD SAGE: ThereÕs only one thing left to do! NOT SO W.O.S.: YeahÉ W.O.S.: Do A Catch the pigeon rip off! N.S.W.O.S.: YeahÉ MUSIC: Catch The Pigeon Theme (Catch the pigeon, catch the pigeon) W.O.S.: Why are we falling? And whyÕs there music up here? And why are we up here if that pigeon canÕt fly! (The sages throw a stereo out of their plane) N.S.W.O.S.: hee, hee, hee, hee! W.O.S.: That was stupid, bringing the Stereo! (They Crash) BOOM! POM: IÕm da king of da Pigeon! W.O.S: JACOB! N.S.W.O.S.: Hee, hee, hee, hee! [Note: N.S.W.O.S.Õs name is Jacob] PIGEON(choking): Gack Gack! POM: Oh, My! Is that CRY-AN?! POM: CÕmon Pidgey Poo. CAPTION: ContinuedÉ Part 5: CAPTION: In the toilets ROBBIE: I am newÉI am powerfulÉ I have gained knowledge of the school piping system CAPTION: In the Playground CLAUDE(In gorge): UrkÉ (Claude reaches top of gorge and lifts himself out) CAPTION: As he reaches the top, and amazing transformation occurs. CLAUDE: I have returned, youthful insanity, as Claude the shiny black! POM: Yeh, fantastic, nice haircut. CLAUDE: Ah, You have learned also! YouÕve learned Sarcasm! POM: No, IÕm just really stupid. CLAUDE: Or really ARROGANT! Stupid midgets never learn. POM: ? POM: WhereÕs CRY-AN gone? CLAUDE: probably in the library (or next issue) POM: And the library is down here? CLAUDE: yup. POM: Oh my god! WeÕre being chased by three really long lines! CLAUDE: TheyÕre speed lines kid; you gotta learn this stuff when youÕre the main character. CAPTION: Ctd. Part 6: POM: CouldÉ Could it beÉ CRY-AN? CLAUDE(off panel): No, itÕs a girl in disguise. CRY-AN: Political people are so stupid. (Buy y drugs) YEAR 7 INNOCENT KID: oooooohÉ CRY-AN: Oh my GOD! Claude and the infamous Pom are coming! I need a hat! And a coat! And eyes that donÕt cross when I think! POM: CouldÉ Could it beÉ CRY-AN? (he looks kinda stupid) CRY-AN: Yes it is IÉ (Who ever told me wearing a hat over my face is cool, dies when this is over POM: Hah-Ha! A blank panel that has no significance to the story, and nor is it funny! W.O.S.: Why arenÕt the wise old sages in this? CLAUDE: Why do I have to be like this? POM: Now, come, on the journey of a lifetime! To be in the ULTIMATE Pom-millions scandal! CRY-AN: What IS the scandal? POM: Why, itÕs counterfeiting MILLIONS! Of course! Making millionsÉ And selling them at low low prices! (not me) SAGES: ? CLAUDE: I think IÕm gonna be sickÉ POM: Hey, Hey! Part 7: POM: YÕknow if this was a comic, IÕd get real bored right now. W.O.S.: Yeh, but what kind of reject would draw about you. POM: ? CLAUDE: Hah! Yeah, The writer would be such a fool! (Probably a midgetÉ) POM: YEAH! HeÕd walk like this; Abugga Boo! Hoodly Froodle Frix! Ganga Doy! N.S.W.O.S: Yeah, Like; Que ban Mithle Cwisis! W.O.S.: No, more like Ex2y» gangle flimp! Oquis Duh duh duuh! POM: Yeah! And heÕd probably do loads of pointless zoom-ins on me Ôcoz I look sooo good! CLAUDE: Yeah. Probably. (Vain little bugger) POM: But if this was a comic strip, this would be a pointless strip! We havenÕt done anything! CRY-AN: Yeah. We need to be more inconspicuous. We have to get rid of a big member of the group [Note in title reads: The issue when the title is in the wrong place!] POM: I vote Sean! (Wise old Sage) W.O.S.: I vote the DEAD pigeon! CAPTION: Who will it be, Sean... or the pigeon? Cont. POM: HeÕs not DEAD Phatass! W.O.S.: Phatass is Robbie, IÕm Sean Dumb ass! Part 8: CAPTION: Who will it be, Sean... or the pigeon? (DŽjˆ vuÉ) W.O.S. + POM: Grrrr... POM: I rule this comic! Anger me and you will awaken my terrible rage, my deformed Eye, and a fearsome background! POM: Also, I can edit your every move! W.O.S.: IÕm a stupid fat weirdo who deserves to die. (WISE OLD SAGE shot in the head) W.O.S.: Ow. CRY-AN: Jesus Christ! POM: That sorted the problem. POM: Alright, if anyone tries to mutiny, they die! Okay? [Note: Title caption reads ÒSpecial edition! ItÕs slightly off colour!Ó] [Note: This page was drawn in blue pen] POM: Pointless panel No.2! How many will there be? N.S.W.O.S.: But but butÉ! POM: No buts! POM: We got enough porn in this school as it is! CAPTION: Will Pom resist from making more rubbish jokes? How many more Pointless panels will there be? Will they survive the ultra small space they have in this panel? POM: OwÉ CLAUDE: If anyone should be in charge of Porn, it should be me. [Note: That was ClaudeÕs original response to seeing this page.] Part 9: This page is an interlude [Note: Annotation reads ÒeverybodyÕs joined the Owen Kennedy suitÓ This actually makes no sense at all other than Owen used to walk around with Crossed arms all the time (according to Pom)] POM: Hypnosis Show! Now on! [Note: annotation reads, ÒHeÕs leaning forwardsÓ *Pom screwed up this piccie] POM: I will make this Roosta act like a penguin! POM: Fall asleep! SFX: Smack! JOEY: ? JOEY thinks: How the heck do you say Ò?Ó in real life? MATT: ! MATT thinks: likewise with Ò!Ó! Hey! How can I read your mind? [Note: CAPTION in explosion bubble reads: And Now a break in the Pom millions scandal, A Matty and Joey strip. One strip off. ß We have NO idea whether ÒOne strip offÓ is the correct translation] POM: Pointless No. NOT INCLUDED! DonÕt count this one! JOEY: HA! I get half a panel to fill with pointless scribblings in a vain attempt to make you laugh MATT: Hee Hee! YouÕve wasted youÕre half! IÕm not gonna do that! Huh? POM: When you wake up, you will be a penguin (Pom clicks his fingers this could never happen given his anatomical structure) [Annotation reads ÒPlaneÓ] (Penguin and Pom look at Plane, starting to tip backwards) [Annotation reads ÒPlaneÓ] SFX: Thud (2x) (Pom and Penguin fall over, a common trait of penguins that follow planes flying overhead, by tilting, ending in TOPPLATION) MATT: Hey! That IS a penguin! DANNY (?!): My Penguin MATT: Hey! WhereÕs my wallet?! POM(Running away): Hee hee! Part 10: The gang are riding the car ROBBIE: GrrÉ POM: No..! NOOOO! ROBBIE throws a punch, Pom is too short to be hit POM jumps on Robbie POM: CÕmon Horsie! Jump the fence! POM thinks: HmmmÉ. ItÕs pied Piper time! WhereÕs the pies POM whistles a tune while dangling a pie in front of Rob who is suddenly ecstatic (Lookit his little face) POM spins round. Rob chases the pie. This screws up his body ROBBIE limbs displaced: Bah! Foiled again! POM: Easy as PÉ Okay I wont sink that low. Part 11: CAPTION: the gang decide to go find Daniel the cellist, so he can make a millions machine. CELLO: ANOTHER BEER! PEOPLE: Hee hee! OTHER PEOPLE: HeÕs cool! DANIEL: I play that cello! CELLO: HEY! I play my own strings! Daniel plays cello CELLO: Oh god this is embarrassingÉ DANIEL: Hyuck! POM: Pointless panel No. 3! Mahoney! DANIEL: hyuck 4»xy10! [Note: in title box is squish from old game he sez: ÒoooohÉÓ] DANIEL: hyuck! [Note: Annotation read ÒOwen K. As a CatÓ] OWEN: SighÉ The current economic/ Political situation is rather difficult (T.A.T) POM: HEY, DANIEL! Everything is set on fire cos Pom rules the comic DANIEL: Ahhh! OWEN: YawnÉ POM: Ow, my eye hurts [Note: Annotation reads ÒSnapÓ as the dead pigeonÕs leash breaks. Pom realises now the pigeonÕs gone, W.O.S. (Sean) should come back.] POM: Oh well, IÕd better get Sean Back! [Note: Annotation reads ÒPigeon falling down pitÓ] Part 12: The gang are climbing a mountain to build the millions machine at the top DANIEL in sack: Hyuck! POM: Watch out for the abominable Joe(y)man! CAPTION: Pom and Co. order Daniel to build a millions making machine, butÉ POM: Oh my God! RobbieÕs got eviller. POM sees a button: WhatÕs this? He presses Button BEEP SFX: Kaboom! ROBBIE: Ow! POM: What the?! ROY: Roar! ROBBIE: Oh my God! ROBBIE: Help! He runs off POM: Roy! IÕve hired you to be my bodyguard! ROY: GroovyÉ Part 13: CAPTION: Daniel has made the machine and Pom tries it out. POM: A Million! SFX: pop! POM: HmmmÉ POM: Delish! POM: millions! CAPTION: 20 mins. later POM: Who the Fxxx are you? COUNTERFEIT OFFICER: IÕm the counterfeit officer. YouÕre selling illegal millions. POM: LetÕs get out of here! They dash away on the ÒcarÓ C.O. in car: What the hell is that? Roy is in the carÕs path. SFX: Smash! Kaboom! Crunch! The car crashes. Roy explodes. [Note: Roy is screwed in this panel, because he is exploded and Pom drew him wrong, so he scribbled over it before realising he couldnÕt rub out pen.] Helicopter appears POM: A Helicopter! CLAUDE: Worse! A BADLY DRAWN helicopter! Part 14: CAPTION: Pom, Claude and Co. are being attacked by a helicopterÉ POM: Oh My God! ThereÕs only one thing to do! Pom performs a series of movements to correspond with a videogame cheat. He gets loads of weapons with which he destroys the helicopter. He performs another cheat to skip the level and win Òthe gameÓ THE END POM: By Buy! Part 15: RETRO POM A preview for the next Pom saga, lost in the sands of time Part 16: EPILOGUE by CLAUDE CLAUDE: Damn kids. Stoopid Millions. IÕm just glad itÕs all overÉ Claude looks down at the title below. CLAUDE: What the?! EPILOGUE?! CLAUDE: GAAAAAAAAAAH! MILLIONS! CLAUDE: HELP! [Note in title reads ÒGuest art by Sensei ClaudeÓ] [Note: ClaudeÕs Signature reveals year of the Pom-Millions ScandalÕs production, as 2002] CLAUDE: AAAAAH! CLAUDE: >Gurgle< Claude wakes up CLAUDE: AAAAAAAAH NO! CLAUDE: Oh thank God! It was all a dream! POM: Claude! WeÕve all got MILLIONS For breakfast! CLAUDE: Whoa! Surreal! ÉWhat are you doing in my room? CAPTION: The truth is, It never endsÉ